xFLy
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sometimes i think i may have faded into the distance. sometimes i wonder if these breaths i take are real. have i fooled myself into thinking that fate will sometime take over and i will just accept it? am i a fool? a fool for you. only for you.


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AIM: verylaststar


Member Since: 9/20/2003

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Saturday, February 28, 2004

Whoa, emotions.  Waves of them.  Well, today was fairly (actually, really) good.  Wishes do come true.  Whee, all of my sentences start with "W" for no apparent reason.  What I was just doing is really weird.  Wacky me was dancing by myself in my room to my new The Starting Line CD that I was planning to get for the past, say, two years or so.  Was very fun!  Well, I'm off.

BLINK182 APRIL 3RD SOLD OUT & DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL MARCH 26TH (I THINK)

NEW XANGA!!

okay, so this xanga works now, i don't know what happened.  but i'll still be using the name afterstar for entries and everything and this one is just going to be a forgotten name.


Friday, February 27, 2004

Today it rained again.  It rained nice and hard for Esther.  Today was Esther's day.  You may not have known, but every single raindrop that fell from the sky were meant for Esther.  Esther is the definition of friendship.  Esther is the reason for rain.  Esther is awesome.  Esther is fifteen.  Whee, party!


Thursday, February 26, 2004

I am less than what I thought myself to be.  Quiero mas.

The rain and I, we are as one.  The silent whispers and the restless pounding on the roof, these things I am.  I fall with the raindrops, hopelessly reaching for stability.  And there as I lay splattered on the ground, I have found security.  I merge with all of the other raindrops and we all become one.  One big puddle, that is. . .one big puddle that people like to splash around in.  One big puddle that eventually evaporates. . .and so the vicious cycle repeats itself once more.  Oh, life.


Wednesday, February 25, 2004

i can't stand you in my face anymore.  whatever.  it's was worth the trouble and it still is, but you know, it's not the only trouble i have, so i really don't know how to deal with this small details that actually mean a lot.  whatever whatever just get out of my face, i don't really care anymore, take everything, just leave me alone.  i'm sick of you.

(edit): I was sick today so I stayed home and slept six-seven hours in fragments.  Was fun.  I hope I can sleep tonight.

i found this on some random xanga.  it was funny.

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained  straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look aroud and notice the youth of today.


You've got it so fuckin' easy!


I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a goddamned Utopia!


And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!


I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the begining and fuck it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingere section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!!

You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating!   All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!


And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?!

We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.  You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!


Tuesday, February 24, 2004

i give up on this xanga for now.  i'm way too tired.  it's been a long two days on the big island with twenty five hyper fourth graders.  i am sick.  sick sick sick.  sick of this shit that i used to live for.  brandon was right in his comment, there just might be no meaning to life and we all just look stupid for searching for it.  what's the point.  i forgot.  bah.  i'm not using capital letters or question marks.  who cares.  so many long bus rides in hilo; too much thinking has been done.  maybe i'll seclude myself, maybe i won't, maybe i'll just go take a shower and sleep now, maybe i won't.  what am i talking about.  too much stuff.  too much.  i'm sorry if you know i'm handling this, because i am.  so i guess it can't be too much for me to handle.  bah.  i can't believe i used to be that young and innocent.  we didn't even think about love that much.  not anymore than the love between our parents and the love portrayed in the media.  we never believed we felt it.  then fifth grade rolls around and suddenly you're in middle school, and shit, you think you're in love. . .but you're not.  it's a joke, a prank to fool us.  and guess what, we are fools.  we are foools.  and i am tiredddd.  so screw this.  i wasn't planning on ever giving up on something i really wanted to do, but i'm sick, but i'm tired, and guess what?  i will survive.  oh, no.  now that song is going to be stuck in my head.  *nose runs*  ahh where is my cough medicine?  damn the corruption. . .whee. . .

yeah, don't mind me, i'm super lightheaded.  not really.  my head feels kind of heavy, actually, from the damn plane ride.  but it was pretty awesome.

what was the point of having a nice, pretty, stupid xanga again?  gahsdfp.

PARTY. just kidding.



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